3 Simple rules every 20-somethings should know

If you are reading this be assured you are one of the luckiest beings so far. You probably are a twenty something, juggling between studies, social life and career; and as Africans not with standing, you are under pressure to start your own family nonetheless.
All you need is to stay focus on your goals and be determined to achieve whatever it is that you are set to in life and more so in your youth.
Here are guidelines to achieve your dreams with minimal discouragements despite the numerous distractions:
Get up and work.
Most youths at this stage like to search for inspiration rather than get down to serious business. A philosopher once said “don’t search for inspiration when you have task to do. Just start your work and you will see that it will soon find you.”
Stick to your goal.
It might be assumed to be simple knowledge but hold on, not many people know that plans can fail. As a matter of fact the best advice you can get is that if a plan doesn’t work, change the plan and not the goal. After all there are many ways to kill a rat.
Follow your heart/passion.
I bet I have fallen a victim of passion not once nor twice,(please don’t misunderstand me). I have disappointed not only my parents but also friends and colleagues by quitting jobs not because of monetary issues or harsh working conditions but for the burning desire to live my dream by doing what I love most.
My rule has always been, I rather die of passion than of boredom.
Others will say you are obsessed in your journey to find your dream and passion but let them not distract you; obsessed is just a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated!
At the end of it all, develop success from failures, discouragement and failure are two surest stepping stones to success!

When men take their craftiness to far…

We live in Africa and yes, in Africa polygamy is a normal and accepted thing. A man can marry as many wives as he wishes and have as many children as he wants regardless of his ability to provide the essentials to them.
I don’t deny that fact either since I don’t mean to judge anyone  ! After all , every community or society is subjected to its own beliefs and as such Africans are no exception.
The only thing that disturbs me though is that most, if not allof these men are never open,sincere or ‘proud’ of whom they really and truly are. They prefer to live in denial and lies so as to craftily gain whatever thing they want from any woman that pleases them.
Men as they are by nature; like women who are submissive, loving, kind and utmost faithful.Who on earth doesn’t like someone like this anyway? That is not the matter though, something interesting is that men always except much more than they can give to the women they claim to ‘love.’
These funny creature called men will as much as they wish – hide the truth from any woman they want to ‘hold captive’ in the name of love.
They will not say that they have a wife or wives even if they have them. They will not disclose that they have children whether in their marriages or outside marriage so to speak.
They will always say they are single and not only are they ready to mingle but they are also seriously searching for a partner and more so a life partner.
Woe unto you when you if you fall for their sweet nothings or should I just say lies and give them your heart.Only after they have used you and gotten what they want, fulfilled their desires and lust will you realize that you were only one among their numerous ‘toys.’
They will swear anything and promise you heaven to earn your trust and confidence till they get what they want.So beware the next man you meet …they are never straightforward!

My take is that men should be open,free and sincere when they want to earn a woman’s trust and love.Hiding the truth to impress will only come to haunt you later in the future so take it easy and be outright staright forward.

Facts for a successful relationship

Many people ask this question not once, not twice not even thrice; is the real relationship? Does real love exist; is there a good man on earth? Is there a good woman in the world? Is there perfect love under the sun? Are there happy people in relationship on these earth we are living in?

All these questions have only one answer in common: The secrets to a real relationship are few and simple but really hard for some people to follow hence many people complaining of being in abusive relationships or wasteful one for this matter.
Respect is one of the key things in any relationship and of course the core wall to a long lasting relationship and even a successful marriage. One thing many people debate about is what love actually is; some say it comes from the heart, others say it is a disease of the mind; others argue that love is a mental case.
One thing they don’t clarify is that love is an affectionate feeling, the opposite of obsession; it is neither lust nor hatred. Love is a different feeling no words can explain it, only the one who feels it knows it. Not even the one who feels it deeply can have words strong enough to explain what love is.
Only actions can sincerely express or tell that someone is in love and the love is sincere beyond any obstacles, hills or valleys. It is a two people affair; not more, not less.
Men who apparently expect too much from their counterparts (ladies) should also learn some life, love lessons such as being loving and lovable, being loyal, respectful and trustworthy if not faithful. It is rather painful than shameful that dogs are faithful to man than a man is to a woman he apparently claims to be in love with.
Ladies are undoubtedly complicated but impeccably affectionate creatures. They fall in love sincerely and deeply from their hearts and they are as well so vulnerable and get hurt as deeply as they fall in love.
One thing men don’t know is that a woman decides whether or not she will be with you the first time she sets her eyes on you; it doesn’t matter if you approach them then or in future; she already has set her mind and made her final decision about you…so watch her ways when you meet her and communicate to her for the first time, indeed it is true and factual that the first impression matters a great deal.
Women contrary to men put their trust so much to the ones they love hence men should in relationships should be very careful especially when it comes to how they handle their women. Try not to disappoint your woman because once you do it once………twice ……and even thrice you reduce her affectionate feelings towards you without knowing.
Once your woman starts doubting you for your actions, she ends up doubting everything about you and gradually hatred starts growing in the heart that was once a garden full of tender love and kindness .Remember as much as a woman loves so does she hate.
However, to curb all these; each person in a relationship should strive to speak up their mind and be open to each other no matter how hard the situation they are going through seems to be.

Couples should also be open minded to each others new ideas while at the same time embracing their in-differences. Such is viewed as honor ; as Mike Murdock puts it in his book; School of wisdom Library: honor is the seed for longevity of life and as such relationship.
To wrap up everything; Wisdom is a very expensive but yet fundamental aspect in any relationship; wisdom between couples is key to a prosperous fruitful .One hidden aspects of wisdom that most people never know about is that, wisdom is the willingness to reward differences; as such in any relationship it is important that the couple take positively each others differences given the fact that each one of them comes from a totally different background.

The discrepancy however when taken positively and embraced with intelligence, turns the relationship into one haven that everyone wishes to be in.

ARE WOMEN CRYING FOUL?

Women have in most cases been on the receiving end of events,tragedies and many occurrences that happen in our day to day lives.Don’t trust me?OK,let’s look at  it this way:Women are the  ones who are supposed to take family planning pills so that they apparently don’t conceive carelessly and give birth to ‘unwanted babies’.

The female species seem to be so much burdened or is it that they are subjected to too much.A woman is to be respectful,loving and over submissive  to her husband regardless of whether or not the man loves her back or even appreciates her efforts to make her family grounded. It does not matter if the man is  cheating on his wife or beating her up like a donkey who has refused to follow instructions from it’s master,the woman is to always lay back and treat her man like a king!

Whenever a child is born,it entirely becomes the duty of the African woman to take care of the new born all the time,day and night regardless of how tiresome the task it.This remember is none of the man’s business since instead of giving her a helping hand,he also complains of lack of attention to him!

Oh,how unlucky the African woman is!When a child decides to leave school,then it is the fault of the mother.Whenever a primary school girl gets pregnant then she is as stupid as her mother who was never wise to even advice her own daughter.In cases where relationships fail or marriages break then all fingers will be pointing at the woman.
Funny enough is that even in incidences where men have abandoned their duties and given up their responsibilities as the bread winners and heads of homes,still the blame is directed to these hardworking women who are doubling as both the head and the neck of their families!

Is it that the African woman’s effort will never be appreciated,will they ever be recognized and given the respect they deserve,will their beauty be celebrated or just used by men and soon be forgotten?Who will then stand up for the African woman or the female fraternity as a whole? Till when will women cry foul,is it that they cry by default or by their own making?My take?Tell me first what you think!

ARE WE ALL FALLING FOR BAD BOYS?

You will see them walking majestically or even driving proudly,they are well groomed and handsome so to speak,they are attractive as such and they draw attention from ladies from all walks of life.But have you ever stopped to think why they are always alone or rather lonely in those classy and expensive vehicles?

Perhaps not,or perhaps you think that they have pretty girlfriends or wives back at home.Hell no,you are damn wrong!Confused?No,don’t get confused here,am talking about these classy men who’ve got ‘big’ jobs and money,they live life they don’t survive like some of us do,they breath refined air….hahaha…is that even true? They drink distilled water and triple distilled wine,they dine with kings and queens in restaurants some of us only see on televisions during advertisements and they sleep in warm beds in their expensive homes,remember I didn’t say houses……..

I guess all of us have seen such men,and of course severally.Some will even confess that they wonder why such men would stoop so low so low so as to call a simple lady along the road to accompany them.Others will go to an extend of approaching ladies who are far much lower than their class dictates but something funny is that they do it desperately and with no fear at all.

I luckily got a chance to speak to some of these men and asked them why they go for ladies who are not of their caliber yet they seem so desperate to get them or lure them into loving them.It was really hard at first to confess that but at the end truth was to be told.

John is a managing director at a leading company in our capital city,Nairobi,Kenya,he is a born again man aged around 40 years and lives at a well furnished house in one of the classy estates in town.He tells me that he earns good money and of course that is expected,he confesses to me that he has never had a long term girlfriend and the last one he had,he had plans to marry her but all did not go as expected since they broke up due to the unfaithful nature of his girlfriend.

He got hurt but after so0me time decided  to move on with life and find himself a better partner and God willing a life partner.Five years down the line,his dreams seems to be shuddered,he has never found his true love or anything closer to that.John says that no matter how down to earth he seems to be,no matter how serious he’s been no girl has he ever approached that seems to find him serious.

No matter how he is into the girl,no matter how he showers her with gifts or how he treats her like a queen.He also tells me that he wonders why women will rather fall for the bad boys,these careless men,drunkards and players.He says that he has a friend whom is  a drunkard and never wants commitments but funny enough when they approach the same lady it is obvious that the lady will fall for his friend and he will be left out.

He then tells me that he has no option but to try any lady who comes his way no matter how low he will stoop but at least he will have a companion even if for a short time or just a while.The big question is ,is it true that ladies fall only for bad boys,or they fear these classy ‘good’ boys.Perhaps the ladies will have to spill the beans!!

COVERED CHOCOLATES TASTE?DRESS THINKING!

As far as I am concerned, respect is a range of many things beginning from the way one dresses, talks, walks etc.Women in Africa and precisely in Nairobi, Kenya will hopefully start dressing with other people in mind. You didn’t get that right? I mean that after several cases of women being stripped in Nairobi and Mombasa towns of Kenya, ladies are yet to change their stand that have been termed #My dress my choice.

At first I took this matter as a little and none sensible issue only to see every main stream media following up the story and always inviting psychologists, image consultants and activists to talk about it.

Let’s face it and look at the two sides of the coin. How and why do we dress, ladies? We are African and a fact it will remain. Some may say we are uncivilized, some may say we have no rule of law in our country, something I too agree on. I have heard many saying that our ladies are just aping the western while some vehemently claim that they are just trying out fashion.

I agree and stand to be corrected that some women dress indecently and with no modesty at all. Is undressing the solution or there is a better way to address them? This is the big question now. But come to think of it, when a woman dresses skimpily and is off in town where every age and  caliber of people are found ;from children, mothers, men, sons, daughters and even in laws for God’s sake.

It is a barbaric act though to undress ladies in public because our culture does not advocate for such act but does it then advocate for women dressing with 3/4 of their flesh displayed to the public? What these ladies don’t know is that not everyone is impressed by looking at their nudity. In fact some bodies are better covered because their sight is a disgust!

Of course everyone has a right to dress as their wish but not if you are ripping others off their respect. Women are respectable beings since time in memorial and they should carry themselves as such! We are a secular state yes, constitutionally of course but then is this platform to forget about spiritual values, religion and moral values?

Women on the other hand have defended themselves and justified their action by siting examples of men who sag their trousers and even undress themselves in public and pee along the roads. This is true but remember two wrongs never make a right.

Correct me if I am wrong but even the Holy Bible says; my people perish due to lack of knowledge. We might talk of this issue forever and ever but never find a long lasting solution. I propose that the Kenyan government and other states with the same interest introduce life skills in primary schools and even invite image consultants to talk to the pupils and teach them what is right and wrong!

Perhaps public humiliation is far from education because such cases are now becoming rampant with no significant positive change noted! My urge is to the government and every individual reading this, let’s respect ourselves before condemning others for not respecting us.Secondly, dress appropriately for the right ocassion, in the right place and at the right time so that you don’t become the next victim making rounds on social media for being stripped and even beaten up by angry mob for being half naked!

Kindly think about it and don’t say I didn’t warn you! For those who have been stripped; mmmmmmmh, learn from your mistakes!

YOU SHOULD LET HER GO!

I know for sure that any man would be happy and proud to be associated with a submissive woman. Submissiveness, is taking the passive always being in the receiving end or playing the obedient role. It is literally when a person becomes a slave or and prefer to be at the bottom (especially before someone else).

According to my knowledge and understanding there is a difference between submissiveness and respect. Men as their nature is, don’t like competition and will at no cost entertain ladies with ‘big brains. Their egoistic nature does not allow them to relate or even live with such ladies whom in my own words will term ‘smart”.

Anyway, that was not my major point here; my aim is to tell you why you should keep your eyes wide open despite having extremely or overly submissive wife under your roof.
These ladies I term ‘over submissive ‘will do anything to please a man no matter how hurt they might be feeling inside. They will never propose anything that is against the wish of a man because they have learnt by heart that women are inferior before men and they are 100%subjected to them.

They will never dare correct any man because they believe any man is right before anyone. Just to mention but a few of their characters, these ladies still remain the apple of any man’s eye. Perhaps you are smiling thinking that your ‘over submissive wife’ is the best, wait till I unfold to you the untold truths of these rather meek and cowardice women.

If she is of such caliber, kind or category read this carefully. Remember at not by any means opposing what the holy bible and even Koran say that wives should be submissive before their husbands. Got it? Am not doing that! Am just clarifying or rather putting this point clear that wives are to be submissive to their husbands, contrary to what some people preach that all women are to be submissive to any man under the sun.

If you insist on moving on with that kind of lady I am talking about here, then sooner than later you will be in for a rude shock of your lifetime. Warm up for it! Here are some of the true colors these women choose to hide so as to gain favor and love from men who are blinded to believe they have gotten the ‘wife material’ whoever came up with this title…..;
They pretend to respect men but the truth is they manipulate them without them ever noticing.(Read Proverbs 31).
They will give in to any man who requests them to do anything even if it means sleeping with them despite the fact that they are in other relationships.
They will appear to be so quiet and humble before their men but show their charm when they are approached by other men outside, but who will even suspect?
They are silent killers and will never speak their mind rather they will come up with weird actions to express their anger and vengeance.
They really love men but don’t want to show (they are very dangerous when it comes to this sector; they are good at playing love games and acting innocent).
They envy other women who do not by any chance accept to be used as doormats by men so they will try through thick and thin to destabilize their relationship by posing as the ‘good woman’ to attract the other lady’s man. So… my ladies, if you happen to have such a woman for a friend it’s high time you walked away since you are trading your man unknowingly.

Am not hating these ladies but cautioning us to beware of their hidden agenda, they say prevention is better than cure so before you are infected…. am administering the dose!
It is never too late to be cautious remember! Next time you boast of your overly submissive woman watch out you might just be airing your shame for the public to see…..who knows? Be the judge!

BEING SECOND IS OUTRIGHT SELFISHNESS!

Am not in any way lacking respect to the African Traditional set up where polygamy was a highly celebrated and adored thing in society.No, not at all. I am not also despising the second, third or even fourth wives of those days, as a matter of fact; I am just saying what few people especially ladies of my caliber would say openly.
It is hard to be African and civilized at the same time, though very hard to confess in this age and time. I was extremely shocked lately to hear and even see that there are learned ladies (who have undergone the 8.4.4. Kenyan education system) but still insists on being second and third wives!
Damn!As I write this I wish it was a dream or a fictitious story but unfortunately, it is the truth and reality of what is happening in this 21st Century and worse still, in one of the civilized countries in the world.(so to say).
I stand to be corrected when I say being second is outright selfishness.How would you feel to enter somebody else’s house or marriage as a second wife and everything remains normal? Of course nothing like this can happen, at least not in planet earth.
If two women have agreed to share a man, it is OK with me but my issue comes in where gold diggers come in claiming that they didn’t know the man in question was married when they met or that they just happen to voluntarily fall in love with married men or those in other relationships. Some will claim” I fell in love with him despite his status because love is blind’’.Nonesense!
Remember, as you read this that I am not looking for any favours from any selfish person but am in harshest terms possible condemning selfishness and advocating for selflessness in any relationship. About the matter of love being blind, mmmmmmh……what do I say? Perhaps I keep my comment to myself.
Next time a married man approaches you to become either his side dish or second wife, ask yourself the following questions then decide yourself which way to go;
If I could be his first wife, how could I feel to see him walking into my house with another lady posing as a second wife?
1.If he truly has sincere feelings then why doesn’t he express all his love to his wife since he even went to the extent of marrying her in the first place?
2.Now that I am being approached to be a second wife, what are the chances of another lady being brought in after me?
3.If truly this man is faithful then why isn’t he trying to work out his relationship and make up to his woman?
4.Isn’t this man playing with my feelings like he does with many other girls out there?
Do I like that cheap that I appear to be like a second hand type of person?

If answers to these questions make you feel guilty or bad about being with the man in question,walk way!If after answering all the questions you insist on being with the man,then well……I rest my case and wash my hands, you are  ruthlessly inhumane and dispeakable woman!

It’s all in your hands,decide who you want to become,a builder or  a breaker of homes!