Looking for a date online?Get the facts right

I have been a relationship critique for quite sometime now though in most cases I have been skeptical about online dating; not that am against it but I found it to be more unrealistic. Why not date someone you know? A person you can talk to face to face?

One thing I came to realize though is that it is better to accept the reality of life than find comfort in my own cocoon. Online dating is real and it should be accepted and embraced rather being chastised.

With our kith and kin struggling with relationships, many have tried to find solace in online dating sites with the hope of finding the perfect match with minimal stress and struggle.

Sincerely it’s no easy stuff but you can thank me later if you follow these tips as gospel truth and follow them holistically.

1.Be yourself

Unfortunately, many people have an assumption that we are in real life whom we are online. Hell no! Most people paint a total contrast of who they are when it comes to online matters and of course for obvious reasons.

When you are seriously searching for Mr. or Mrs. right online then you are not to paint a contradicting picture of who you really are; lest you fall for a totally opposite person you’ve never wished for.

2.Be pessimistic

What’s that again? Yes, you got it right, be pessimistic! Not only should you be pessimistic while dating online but also in real life dating you got to be a little pessimistic so as to save yourself multiple heartbreaks and disappointments.

Not that it doesn’t work at all. I mean I have seen some of very close people I know who have dated and even married partners they met online. Only that it is good to be cautious and not be ‘so much into it’ when you first subscribe to the dating site.

Be ready to meet all kinds of people; jokers, time wasters, those interested and those who aren’t.

3.Play some anonymity

I don’t mean that you don’t tell us who you are (because in any case you are not a ghost) Simply ensure your picture is real and always provide basic information about yourself on your profile stating what you are looking for or expecting to find. Don’t add too many jokes as this might lead you into losing potential partners.

Try also not to pour out much information about yourself; save it for that time you meet that right person and then your personality will have to speak for itself. Meanwhile, be a little more ‘anonymous!’

4.Let nature take its course

If by good luck it happens that you find new love online, then don’t force things or rush into them. Take it easy, it’s not the end of the world yet! Don’t display your desperation or by any means show that there is no otherwise for you if not being with him or her.

You might be open yeah, but sending the wrong signal all along, so just be cool and let nature take its course!

Now you know what to do the next time you log in to that dating site, wish you luck in your search!


3 Simple rules every 20-somethings should know

If you are reading this be assured you are one of the luckiest beings so far. You probably are a twenty something, juggling between studies, social life and career; and as Africans not with standing, you are under pressure to start your own family nonetheless.
All you need is to stay focus on your goals and be determined to achieve whatever it is that you are set to in life and more so in your youth.
Here are guidelines to achieve your dreams with minimal discouragements despite the numerous distractions:
Get up and work.
Most youths at this stage like to search for inspiration rather than get down to serious business. A philosopher once said “don’t search for inspiration when you have task to do. Just start your work and you will see that it will soon find you.”
Stick to your goal.
It might be assumed to be simple knowledge but hold on, not many people know that plans can fail. As a matter of fact the best advice you can get is that if a plan doesn’t work, change the plan and not the goal. After all there are many ways to kill a rat.
Follow your heart/passion.
I bet I have fallen a victim of passion not once nor twice,(please don’t misunderstand me). I have disappointed not only my parents but also friends and colleagues by quitting jobs not because of monetary issues or harsh working conditions but for the burning desire to live my dream by doing what I love most.
My rule has always been, I rather die of passion than of boredom.
Others will say you are obsessed in your journey to find your dream and passion but let them not distract you; obsessed is just a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated!
At the end of it all, develop success from failures, discouragement and failure are two surest stepping stones to success!

Single by choice?so you thought!

“I am single by choice,”I am single and I like it that way,”all these statements and many more,we have heard from our friends,kins and kiths.Might be our our male or female counterparts but one thing is for sure,we hear these from a higher percentage of women than men.

I personally don’t know why but most of the time in life women are the ones who suffer most in any extreme cases be it love life,relationships,tragedies,wars,post election violence,domestic violence or even marriages.I have been in the fore front complaining of the world being unfairly harsh to the inferior female gender till some have nicknamed me a feminist (which I really don’t mind)as long as my cry will touch one or two people who will find a place in their hearts not to hurt more women they come across,rather show them love and kindness they deserve.

We have heard and seen women who have havens of mansionnnettes they call homes,unique massive vehicles they call their own.Some even have children they bore (and obviously there was a man in the picture before the babies came to being,unless they are the second virgin Mary, mother of Jesus we never heard of).

Something that is a bit disturbing is that the so called single livelihood is rapidly increasing in this society and generation and yet no one seems to see it as lameness in a way or another,on the contrary people seem to applause it and even advocate for it without really knowing that who feels it knows it better than he who hears and perhaps just sees.

As humanbeings,we were made to socialiaze,interact love and be loved and when God made man and woman;He ordained them to be His co creators.What did this really mean?

A man and woman were to come together as one and make a family, bring it up and thus multiply in the soil they were made to plough and enjoy its fruits.

It is however so sad that mankind will decide otherwise and feel that they will do things as they wish and not as instructed by He who is mightier than them.Many will ask why this beautiful,young ladies are opting to live alone as single mothers or just simply single ladies.Others will be shocked as to why such a handsome,young,rich guy is lonely in the midst of all his monies and wealth and perhaps with a child or two in his name.

The plain painful truth is that none of those you have seen is happy being single with or without children to call their own.Everyone yearns for love,everyone needs a family they call their own either; by blood or otherwise.Everyone want someone to share their joy and sorrows,tears and laughters!

The only problem is that people have turned out to be worse than animals,till you ask yourself,has animosity befallen human beings nowadays?A man in his right mind will fall in love with a woman,make her a wife hence a mother then abandon her all alone with her child or children even to the extend of denying his own blood then still expects the woman to trust another man with her whole heart?Hell no!

There is this man too who decided to share his love,heart,home and life with a woman he called his own only for her to see another wealthier man and instantly forget about her once loving husband who gave up even his lavishly extravagant lifestyle to have and please her by his side.

Leaving her children behind and putting her husband at the back of her mind burying him in her memories.Yet you still expect this man to heal soon and go around chasing other women with the hope of building another happy family?I beg!

The picture am trying to bring into perspective is that next time you hear a man or a woman saying they are single by choice,don’t trust them,better still don’t judge them harshly too because you never know how,why nor where their journey started.

They are just but vulnerable beings;some still finding healing as they pray that time which is prescribed as the best healer passes so fast to allow them find peace within their inner beings and perhaps one day allow someone to once again accept them and love them regardless of their painful past.

The reality is that none is single by choice,just put it as single by circumstance!

Facts for a successful relationship

A friend asked me to reblog this…I too thought I should


Many people ask this question not once, not twice not even thrice; is the real relationship? Does real love exist; is there a good man on earth? Is there a good woman in the world? Is there perfect love under the sun? Are there happy people in relationship on these earth we are living in?

All these questions have only one answer in common: The secrets to a real relationship are few and simple but really hard for some people to follow hence many people complaining of being in abusive relationships or wasteful one for this matter.
Respect is one of the key things in any relationship and of course the core wall to a long lasting relationship and even a successful marriage. One thing many people debate about is what love actually is; some say it comes from the heart, others say it is a disease of the mind…

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Men too cry!

Better a broken relationship than a broken marriage,so do many people say. I beg to differ! Just for once! One thing is for sure though and I bet most if not all people will agree…any break up is just as painful regardless of it’s nature.

Who doesn’t know that even when friendship ends no matter the circumstance the involved parties always find it rough?Just like it is painful to lose a friend so is it much painful to lose a partner or a person with whom we shared love with.

In a normal intimate relationship there is a man and a woman involved and both are so much determined to make a haven out of their brewed love.In most cases they always dream of walking down the aisle and making a happy family later in their days.

All said and done, one thing is for sure not everything we plan always works out perfectly hence breakups and divorces.
It has now become a song in this blog that relationships are born and nurtured mutually by the involved people. It is indeed the responsibility of both the man and the woman to ensure none of them dies of heartbreak once they decide to enter a serious relationship.

Men are always the strongest and the superior ones in any relationship and of course they are not to blame since they have been brought up in a society that holds them with high esteem and has given them the notion that they are the know it all and the most powerful beings.

We cannot change this fact anyway but rather live with it for the sake our men’s ego. Either way it all started in the Holy Bible when God made man and later saw it vital to give him a helper out of his rib…and that’s how a woman came about.

It is however important to note that despite the different ways we came to being, we are all humans made of flesh blood and with feelings.It is proven beyond any doubt and so you know that men too cry!


When men take their craftiness to far…

We live in Africa and yes, in Africa polygamy is a normal and accepted thing. A man can marry as many wives as he wishes and have as many children as he wants regardless of his ability to provide the essentials to them.
I don’t deny that fact either since I don’t mean to judge anyone  ! After all , every community or society is subjected to its own beliefs and as such Africans are no exception.
The only thing that disturbs me though is that most, if not allof these men are never open,sincere or ‘proud’ of whom they really and truly are. They prefer to live in denial and lies so as to craftily gain whatever thing they want from any woman that pleases them.
Men as they are by nature; like women who are submissive, loving, kind and utmost faithful.Who on earth doesn’t like someone like this anyway? That is not the matter though, something interesting is that men always except much more than they can give to the women they claim to ‘love.’
These funny creature called men will as much as they wish – hide the truth from any woman they want to ‘hold captive’ in the name of love.
They will not say that they have a wife or wives even if they have them. They will not disclose that they have children whether in their marriages or outside marriage so to speak.
They will always say they are single and not only are they ready to mingle but they are also seriously searching for a partner and more so a life partner.
Woe unto you when you if you fall for their sweet nothings or should I just say lies and give them your heart.Only after they have used you and gotten what they want, fulfilled their desires and lust will you realize that you were only one among their numerous ‘toys.’
They will swear anything and promise you heaven to earn your trust and confidence till they get what they want.So beware the next man you meet …they are never straightforward!

My take is that men should be open,free and sincere when they want to earn a woman’s trust and love.Hiding the truth to impress will only come to haunt you later in the future so take it easy and be outright staright forward.

Facts for a successful relationship

Many people ask this question not once, not twice not even thrice; is the real relationship? Does real love exist; is there a good man on earth? Is there a good woman in the world? Is there perfect love under the sun? Are there happy people in relationship on these earth we are living in?

All these questions have only one answer in common: The secrets to a real relationship are few and simple but really hard for some people to follow hence many people complaining of being in abusive relationships or wasteful one for this matter.
Respect is one of the key things in any relationship and of course the core wall to a long lasting relationship and even a successful marriage. One thing many people debate about is what love actually is; some say it comes from the heart, others say it is a disease of the mind; others argue that love is a mental case.
One thing they don’t clarify is that love is an affectionate feeling, the opposite of obsession; it is neither lust nor hatred. Love is a different feeling no words can explain it, only the one who feels it knows it. Not even the one who feels it deeply can have words strong enough to explain what love is.
Only actions can sincerely express or tell that someone is in love and the love is sincere beyond any obstacles, hills or valleys. It is a two people affair; not more, not less.
Men who apparently expect too much from their counterparts (ladies) should also learn some life, love lessons such as being loving and lovable, being loyal, respectful and trustworthy if not faithful. It is rather painful than shameful that dogs are faithful to man than a man is to a woman he apparently claims to be in love with.
Ladies are undoubtedly complicated but impeccably affectionate creatures. They fall in love sincerely and deeply from their hearts and they are as well so vulnerable and get hurt as deeply as they fall in love.
One thing men don’t know is that a woman decides whether or not she will be with you the first time she sets her eyes on you; it doesn’t matter if you approach them then or in future; she already has set her mind and made her final decision about you…so watch her ways when you meet her and communicate to her for the first time, indeed it is true and factual that the first impression matters a great deal.
Women contrary to men put their trust so much to the ones they love hence men should in relationships should be very careful especially when it comes to how they handle their women. Try not to disappoint your woman because once you do it once………twice ……and even thrice you reduce her affectionate feelings towards you without knowing.
Once your woman starts doubting you for your actions, she ends up doubting everything about you and gradually hatred starts growing in the heart that was once a garden full of tender love and kindness .Remember as much as a woman loves so does she hate.
However, to curb all these; each person in a relationship should strive to speak up their mind and be open to each other no matter how hard the situation they are going through seems to be.

Couples should also be open minded to each others new ideas while at the same time embracing their in-differences. Such is viewed as honor ; as Mike Murdock puts it in his book; School of wisdom Library: honor is the seed for longevity of life and as such relationship.
To wrap up everything; Wisdom is a very expensive but yet fundamental aspect in any relationship; wisdom between couples is key to a prosperous fruitful .One hidden aspects of wisdom that most people never know about is that, wisdom is the willingness to reward differences; as such in any relationship it is important that the couple take positively each others differences given the fact that each one of them comes from a totally different background.

The discrepancy however when taken positively and embraced with intelligence, turns the relationship into one haven that everyone wishes to be in.